Five Reasons for Writing

For three weeks already, I reached the end of the week, like a tired mouse. I am cranky and irritable. All I want to do is climb into bed, but i know I live for getting this done. I can't go to sleep let alone enjoy a Friday night without finishing the last book writing items.


As it was in Israel, for the last seventeen years, it was so easier to say that I was a writer when I wrote down my thoughts in my journal. A few times, I had some good moments like I was trying to get close to something; but in retrospect, I was completing venting. Now I am much more cautious when I use that word.... what word, 'oh yea, vent...'

Lately, I've had a real need to vent: I received two rejections today: one from the Post - Gazette who declined using my column "From Pittsburgh to Israel." It actually was my first crack at column writing. I was humbled by the experience but when he said that I had some interesting insights, I said well, it's his loss. Why would anyone in fact want to read an immigrant's adjustment process after living on a kibbutz for 12 years?

Then I had a rejection regarding my first children's story "One bridge, Two Hands." Like many first pieces, I was anxious to simply let it fly to the world. The result? An editor at Kar-Ben mentioned by word choice was "off" but what she really meant, was that the story was probably not holding itself together.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not holding myself together. Yesterday, was the epitome. Here I am, sitting in my three year old son's room among the puzzle pieces, lego blocks, bedding and my books, trying to create my own writing space by hopefully give my voice some sense of intent. With all that said, the timing just came out right as a faithful blogger who believes in my writing endeavors, tagged me for Reasons why I write. At 11pm yesterday, I pushed my back against the wall away from my son's kicking legs. There are those reasons that Deb mentions from G's Cottage which are way up there. I'll just add to the list that both Julia Cameron in The Right to Write and I seem to share. Okay, I admit it. It's my first tag.

1. Those lovely red marks...in eight grade... the ones that said 'very nice' or, 'good work' I was a ball of fire, I wanted to be understood. Nobody seemed to recognize what I had to say. Nobody. So I wrote awful seventeen year old stuff but that was the beginning of believing that I have something to say.

2. Writing fills a void and gives back a voice. Mom told me never to enter the arts. Perhaps she didn't want me to struggle like she did. Look, what she ended up with: no recognition, no pension, just a 24 hour caretaker for her Alzheimer's. While this doesn't mean that I am ready to make money off of it, writing is one of those outlets that come to me more naturally than understanding how a blog works.

3. Writing helps me connect to myself.
I spend hours in front of a computer screen all day. It's a luxury most mothers don't have - just to write. Like that. I'll remember the soup I drank when I was at Grandmother's house in Far Rockaway and the oily smell of her pumps in 1985. I have a very keen memory.

4. Writing gives me a sense of belonging. When I begin to realize that I claim word, I claim my space. When I read my children's story: "One Bridge, Two Hands," I suddenly felt liberated I allowed myself to write about a kibbutz. Of course, I would not have been able to start the process of claiming my words, (and sanity) if my writing mentor Sally Hobart Alexander did not encourage me to explore all the sensations. I love the line: "It's all in your head. Just get it out."

5. Writing gives me a chance to stop and realize that the flowers aren't exactly rosy, but they can be.That is the people.

I can easily lift characters off from life. Believe me. My short lived life has been too colorful. Way too colorful. {I can't believe I wake up every morning to a concrete skilled nurse facility outside my window}

I have learned from blood, sweat and tears not to do this: I set myself up for failure. There is nothing worse than thinking you have the worse life.. but I learn to embrace the people who I never could understand, had trouble accepting. I guess one can call it developing a sense of compassion.

Early Morning Marketing

I accidentally turned off my Internet settings and entered a 4:30 am panic. I had to type in again all my websites that I daily use. This can actually be quite good for a writer even when trying to establish an early groove because it puts the mind on 'off' mind for a while: what isn't always visible , can be in fact done even if it means retying a website. Hopefully this won't surge my blood pressure.


I like the tone of Judy Labensohn's newsletter. With her, I always feel I'm home again. I want to start my day with writing fiction - that is my true love of writing - besides it's my passion. Early morning marketing is in fact the first contact with entering the guttiest of words. It started out with looking for a website, then accepting the fact that I am this lonely fictional creature on earth and then back to the list. Somewhere though there is a need to write. Those early messages of desire are the best ones for writing.

Moving on.... When You Really Don't

It's been a week. I flew from one task to another. This week I was practicing multi-tasking my brain, sorting out which issues will finally get to the chapter AFTER I finish outlining. Enough is enough. No more thoughts that haven't been sorted out beforehand!

I also have gotten very much into the habit of recording what I have done for my book for the day. Almost everything goes into this informal type of synopsis: from the names of the books that my book would compete alongside should it be accepted for publication to what I edited.

But this can also go to the extreme: I was extremely tempted on Thursday for example, to simply edit and re-edit the first two chapters, the chapter synopsis, the book proposal, the appendix... I mean, there's no limit, right? But the real issue was that a second reviewer felt that the 2nd chapter read more like an action research... so, it looks like I might have to rehash out the second chapter's format. I mean, consistency... right?

So, instead of having a spastic attack (which I didn't) I took T's advice and started outlining a third chapter. My second reviewer's advice came in handy also for other writing projects: I wrote a 600 word column for our local newspaper about reliving the experiences of immigrant hood coming back to live in the US after 19 years in Israel, I wrote my weekly article and blog for suite 101, I wrote up a query for Lerner and I rewrote a second children's story "Daddy Still Doesn't Like Fish" after I read the first version to my critique group last Tuesday...and of course I continued to queried.

As I'm learning more, I become less afraid by the fact of what I won't succeed if I don't even try..... Good advice for anybody ...there must be a formal quote on that...

By the way, these pictures are from my son's third birthday, that we celebrated on December 31st. Nice date!

Have a great (writing) week!

New Year, New Post

I walked home very carefully from the library today taking my usual route down Murray Avenue and then turned right on Hobart heading down to Wightman until I reached the corner. I was not particularly satisfied with this route so, I made a distinctive right unto Bartlett where the sunsets are visible and red at this time of day. A Jewish guy was shouting in Hebrew pointing to a synagogue next to him, the last of the blue was fading just like a warm harvest day.

Other than that, everything was pretty much dull and quiet. I ignored the Jewish guy and became lost inside myself wondering if the goals I had set out for myself a week ago are really in order...

That's what I like most about walking in the snow: you have time, time to think, make decisions, see if you can reiterate something you always wanted to say in a different way. I spend hours like that in the library with my book so that it reflects the real genuine place - my heart. Actually, it's one of the few chances I have to think together with my heart.

I'll probably have to go back and revisit some of the goals. I think the list is probably too long. But here's some of my short term goals for this month:

Book Project

1) create an outline for every paragraph I write now in chapter two. Ultimately it does help with focusing but I need to do it often to really reap the benefits from it.

2) start arranging a bibliography and incorporating final research.

3) read my writing aloud - final check for syntax and other errors

4) researching possible niches for sending out the proposal (use helpful, friendly librarians)

Notice I didn't put #4 on the first of the list. Actually, I've been focusing a lot on the writing goals as part of the process. Often (too much) speculation goes into publication and not necessarily into writing as a vocation. There is a difference!

Anyhow, keeping my eye on the snow and walking carefully. Oh and yes, do wear a hat. I keep forgetting.