Five Reasons for Writing

For three weeks already, I reached the end of the week, like a tired mouse. I am cranky and irritable. All I want to do is climb into bed, but i know I live for getting this done. I can't go to sleep let alone enjoy a Friday night without finishing the last book writing items.


As it was in Israel, for the last seventeen years, it was so easier to say that I was a writer when I wrote down my thoughts in my journal. A few times, I had some good moments like I was trying to get close to something; but in retrospect, I was completing venting. Now I am much more cautious when I use that word.... what word, 'oh yea, vent...'

Lately, I've had a real need to vent: I received two rejections today: one from the Post - Gazette who declined using my column "From Pittsburgh to Israel." It actually was my first crack at column writing. I was humbled by the experience but when he said that I had some interesting insights, I said well, it's his loss. Why would anyone in fact want to read an immigrant's adjustment process after living on a kibbutz for 12 years?

Then I had a rejection regarding my first children's story "One bridge, Two Hands." Like many first pieces, I was anxious to simply let it fly to the world. The result? An editor at Kar-Ben mentioned by word choice was "off" but what she really meant, was that the story was probably not holding itself together.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not holding myself together. Yesterday, was the epitome. Here I am, sitting in my three year old son's room among the puzzle pieces, lego blocks, bedding and my books, trying to create my own writing space by hopefully give my voice some sense of intent. With all that said, the timing just came out right as a faithful blogger who believes in my writing endeavors, tagged me for Reasons why I write. At 11pm yesterday, I pushed my back against the wall away from my son's kicking legs. There are those reasons that Deb mentions from G's Cottage which are way up there. I'll just add to the list that both Julia Cameron in The Right to Write and I seem to share. Okay, I admit it. It's my first tag.

1. Those lovely red marks...in eight grade... the ones that said 'very nice' or, 'good work' I was a ball of fire, I wanted to be understood. Nobody seemed to recognize what I had to say. Nobody. So I wrote awful seventeen year old stuff but that was the beginning of believing that I have something to say.

2. Writing fills a void and gives back a voice. Mom told me never to enter the arts. Perhaps she didn't want me to struggle like she did. Look, what she ended up with: no recognition, no pension, just a 24 hour caretaker for her Alzheimer's. While this doesn't mean that I am ready to make money off of it, writing is one of those outlets that come to me more naturally than understanding how a blog works.

3. Writing helps me connect to myself.
I spend hours in front of a computer screen all day. It's a luxury most mothers don't have - just to write. Like that. I'll remember the soup I drank when I was at Grandmother's house in Far Rockaway and the oily smell of her pumps in 1985. I have a very keen memory.

4. Writing gives me a sense of belonging. When I begin to realize that I claim word, I claim my space. When I read my children's story: "One Bridge, Two Hands," I suddenly felt liberated I allowed myself to write about a kibbutz. Of course, I would not have been able to start the process of claiming my words, (and sanity) if my writing mentor Sally Hobart Alexander did not encourage me to explore all the sensations. I love the line: "It's all in your head. Just get it out."

5. Writing gives me a chance to stop and realize that the flowers aren't exactly rosy, but they can be.That is the people.

I can easily lift characters off from life. Believe me. My short lived life has been too colorful. Way too colorful. {I can't believe I wake up every morning to a concrete skilled nurse facility outside my window}

I have learned from blood, sweat and tears not to do this: I set myself up for failure. There is nothing worse than thinking you have the worse life.. but I learn to embrace the people who I never could understand, had trouble accepting. I guess one can call it developing a sense of compassion.

Early Morning Marketing

I accidentally turned off my Internet settings and entered a 4:30 am panic. I had to type in again all my websites that I daily use. This can actually be quite good for a writer even when trying to establish an early groove because it puts the mind on 'off' mind for a while: what isn't always visible , can be in fact done even if it means retying a website. Hopefully this won't surge my blood pressure.


I like the tone of Judy Labensohn's newsletter. With her, I always feel I'm home again. I want to start my day with writing fiction - that is my true love of writing - besides it's my passion. Early morning marketing is in fact the first contact with entering the guttiest of words. It started out with looking for a website, then accepting the fact that I am this lonely fictional creature on earth and then back to the list. Somewhere though there is a need to write. Those early messages of desire are the best ones for writing.

Moving on.... When You Really Don't

It's been a week. I flew from one task to another. This week I was practicing multi-tasking my brain, sorting out which issues will finally get to the chapter AFTER I finish outlining. Enough is enough. No more thoughts that haven't been sorted out beforehand!

I also have gotten very much into the habit of recording what I have done for my book for the day. Almost everything goes into this informal type of synopsis: from the names of the books that my book would compete alongside should it be accepted for publication to what I edited.

But this can also go to the extreme: I was extremely tempted on Thursday for example, to simply edit and re-edit the first two chapters, the chapter synopsis, the book proposal, the appendix... I mean, there's no limit, right? But the real issue was that a second reviewer felt that the 2nd chapter read more like an action research... so, it looks like I might have to rehash out the second chapter's format. I mean, consistency... right?

So, instead of having a spastic attack (which I didn't) I took T's advice and started outlining a third chapter. My second reviewer's advice came in handy also for other writing projects: I wrote a 600 word column for our local newspaper about reliving the experiences of immigrant hood coming back to live in the US after 19 years in Israel, I wrote my weekly article and blog for suite 101, I wrote up a query for Lerner and I rewrote a second children's story "Daddy Still Doesn't Like Fish" after I read the first version to my critique group last Tuesday...and of course I continued to queried.

As I'm learning more, I become less afraid by the fact of what I won't succeed if I don't even try..... Good advice for anybody ...there must be a formal quote on that...

By the way, these pictures are from my son's third birthday, that we celebrated on December 31st. Nice date!

Have a great (writing) week!

New Year, New Post

I walked home very carefully from the library today taking my usual route down Murray Avenue and then turned right on Hobart heading down to Wightman until I reached the corner. I was not particularly satisfied with this route so, I made a distinctive right unto Bartlett where the sunsets are visible and red at this time of day. A Jewish guy was shouting in Hebrew pointing to a synagogue next to him, the last of the blue was fading just like a warm harvest day.

Other than that, everything was pretty much dull and quiet. I ignored the Jewish guy and became lost inside myself wondering if the goals I had set out for myself a week ago are really in order...

That's what I like most about walking in the snow: you have time, time to think, make decisions, see if you can reiterate something you always wanted to say in a different way. I spend hours like that in the library with my book so that it reflects the real genuine place - my heart. Actually, it's one of the few chances I have to think together with my heart.

I'll probably have to go back and revisit some of the goals. I think the list is probably too long. But here's some of my short term goals for this month:

Book Project

1) create an outline for every paragraph I write now in chapter two. Ultimately it does help with focusing but I need to do it often to really reap the benefits from it.

2) start arranging a bibliography and incorporating final research.

3) read my writing aloud - final check for syntax and other errors

4) researching possible niches for sending out the proposal (use helpful, friendly librarians)

Notice I didn't put #4 on the first of the list. Actually, I've been focusing a lot on the writing goals as part of the process. Often (too much) speculation goes into publication and not necessarily into writing as a vocation. There is a difference!

Anyhow, keeping my eye on the snow and walking carefully. Oh and yes, do wear a hat. I keep forgetting.

Good Places to Work - Establishing a Writing Nest

What good places help get you going and set the tone for your work for the day?

I'm finding it harder to find quiet places to work. As a mom, I have become fiercely dependent on the notion of 'quiet' especially on weekends.

For my non-fiction children's writing project, I will however write in a cafe. (with ear plugs)Being in an anonymous place helps me with dealing with distractions. and it's the only place I can retreat at early weekend hours.

For my book writing project on at-risk young ESL learners, the situation is much different: I need to be surrounded by books with ear plugs, otherwise I will not be focused.

With that, the weekends however are family oriented. I try to space my writing schedule around husband's work and my son. Every minute for me writing is precious and cannot be relived again. I've noticed when I am at work focused and quiet, the thoughts slowly become unstuck and I am able to develop my thoughts on paper.


I've created a small daily progress log where I write exactly what I was able to accomplish for the entire week. At the end of the week, I will retype what I've handwritten and looked at my weekly progress. This is very important for establishing an emerging writer's ego. Let me tell you!

So, what spaces work for you? Where do you feel the most productive depending on your project?? what projects are currently underway?


So, write it... maybe it will work for you and maybe it won't. Find the spot that works for you, so you can get the most amount of time writing with fewer distractions especially on the weekends. I call it establishing a writing nest.

Another Calling and Another....

I have to admit: the laundry's waiting for folding and something tells me I'm about to physically collapse. But I continue to wake up at 4:00 am grabbing bites of bagels, Doritos (hey me) and funny tasting coffee just to bob around.

Reaching 11 am, I still think I have yet to make the grand hit on the pinball machine. But I'm progressing. While I have experience with fiction, I have yet to really sink my teeth in this ESL non-fiction book. I had a plan when I started - it's always changing. For the good? One can't tell, when your waking energies are grounded in the writing. I know though, that when I reach out for that coffee sip in my Walmart tumbler, I know I am coming closer to something, something that I have never come closer to before.


When I get a bit stuck, I learn to freewrite and sometimes that helps. Or I write out a step-by-step paragraph when there's even a bit of self-doubt lingering from last night's dinner conversation that I can't do this. Now I'm back to where I started from - writing about action research as part of the reflective mode of teaching and how it ultimately help with raising the reading levels of my at-risk students when I was teaching in Israel. Boring? Well, no. This is obviously chucked in for a Hollywooder approach - but I've got the patience schemata to find the right blend - me and theory - once enemies now we are growing fonder of each other - because I'm not leaning on it as a grudge as I did in my rolly-polly college days when there was oh, so much support for a writer, a teacher, and a teacher-to-be.

Now, totally exhausted, sometimes exasperated, controlled and controlling by what one calls the writing process, I am trying to stick through it. I am not one to give up, and yet every day, I awaken to the calling. There's no land around for miles, all I know there's a thick pot of coffee waiting for me(prepared by loving Hubbie)and a laptop that has been shut down for the night waiting to be turned on. Sound familiar??

Teaching, Remembering, Writing: My Own Mentor

This is what my work space has become in the last few days: I've been terrible at keeping order. The concepts of 'control' and 'organization' have become a thing of the past - at least for now.

I have ten years of teachers journals, handouts and downloaded articles from in-service courses on reading. I'm in phase two - get to phase three and then 'phase out!' only i'M finding the right consistency between research and teaching experience is rather tricky. I've always puppeted my own lesson plans in front of students (and a few teachers and professionals) but writing never to an audience that I don't know, don't see, have generally no idea. I've been reliving teaching - this time all in my mind.

It's hard to find the right voice, the right kind of everything. But yet, I allow myself to continue to write in this type of vulnerability - walking soggily in the rain, no umbrella, no rain or trench coat, just a simple 'do it as if' experience - But there is that seemingly gentle voice acting as a guide, a bit of a mentor, and when the right kind of word(s) come(s), it's already time for coffee. Sound familiar?

I prefer to begin the writing by remembering the raw experience of let's say, learning to read; it will help me of course with writing about the experience of the very act of what I am teaching - this time behind the scenes of the teacher, just the observer, the lurker of my subconscious.

What exactly guided me to write those journals ten years ago? What moment was I feeling when I wrote them? What did I learn from them?

I'm so very lucky I kept these journals and even continued to write them way after the assignment for this particular course ended. There's something very theraputic about reliving them. But of course, that's another entry.

Why the Research?

For the longest time, I had been avoiding researching on my topic... why you may ask? I seemed to have concocted my own vision for this book primarily based on teacher's experiences. Why not? Would you want to read my smashing experiences teaching 40 plus students with a fair share of hyper active verbal vociferous kids?All this was intensified of course, due my own acculturation: an American learning the Israeli culture?

Weeks later my advisor proved it was not a worthy step - at least not in the direction of publishing. She explicitly said: 'it will be just another handbook teachers will read...' implying that we will chuck it to the side and forget about it. What a nice thought.

She then pleasantly informed me I would be needed to do some research hinting at her previous comments. There seemed to be some other comments lurking in the background over the mobile to mobile conversation. Nope, that was it.

I'm offering myself a present since it's my birthday tomorrow. The present of the truth. I was never good at doing research: it always felt like this scary buzz word and this time when I am ankles and sometimes knees deep in the writing process, it is hard to know where the research part comes in, how to incorporate it, where to put it.

I'm my own self-editor, writer, research, teacher. But the research hat is one that is often too big, two quirky for me. I turn the other way and get lazy and pretend I don't know a damned thing.

Why research? Well, here are my notable reasons for including it in the book:

1. gives precedence and more specifically, credibility to the teaching topic at large. (in my case, at-risk learners)
2. Thinking of my own reading experiences, I get a hook into my own topic.
3. It gives a space for the topic to grow and expand.
4. It provides a more up-to-date understanding of the topic.

So with the research issues pulled aside, it's time to find apt research reading material (ie. at-risk readers, closing the literacy gaps) Truthfully, I rather spend the time writing!

Any suggestions out there? Any new ideas for tackling the research process for book writing?

Very Slow Bits of Progress

It's a maturing process.. writing long manuscripts such as a college based manuscripts has become very challenging.

I just got a bit of feedback - not barely enough to understand on the mobile to Mobile conversation ... all I could hear was: 'research, not enough research.. prove to your readers that what you have done works..

Well, obviously I knew I had not put [enough] research. I had put in some, but it needed a lot of careful reshaping. Well, I guess that is why I have a mentor??
It was discouraging, but clearly, not hurtful news. I hoped to have heard something a bit more glowing. But at the end of the day, writing is not automatic and the incremental stages of progress are worthy.

Well, it was another great leap to faith. I knew the overall route, but struggling to get the words safely carried out is a great task. I find myself making inch-by-inch progress - never glowing at the end of the day, but the point is:

with regard to writing research based manuscripts that are on the long(ish) side:
1. maintain focus even if the feedback isn't what you want to hear
2. use the research from the focus point branching out extending to illustrated specific teaching related points
3. References are of course always helpful

I must say clearly I felt I had simply 'jumped in' and revised without sticking to an outline. After all, I was writing about my teaching.. why would i need an outline? Even if the subject seems crystal clear- I think I will start again writing tomorrow with an outline. it might help with some of those faith issues, even when I feel I'm sinking.

Despite this delayed feedback, which I had to seek out and not the other way around, I will continue to write. After all, mentors are to faciliate - and hopefully, the message will seep into the more earthy areas of writing and not via the self-editing critic!

Happy Friday!

Finally Finished Chapter One

I didn't realize how long it would take me to finish the first chapter but it was real toil of labor. I kept on shifting the content and then the synopsis of course, and back again.

As I mentioned before, it really pays to find a way to organize all the ideas in general headings and then topic headings. I find it hard however to commit to it. It's not that I don't know what I'm writing but sometimes I connect more to the writing process than to outlining; I really despise outlining.

And then there's the market research. While playing with Ivry at the neighborhood park today in Squirrel Hill, I figured I'd get it on by thinking how to deal with the research part since many companies want to know what my competitors are. Now that I have settled both on the voice and the subject of the handbook, hopefully it will be an easier process. I'm working on the cover letter too. There is so many many things to include in a book proposal; sometimes I wish maybe I would be better off writing fiction during a sabbatical... but then, who would be my advisor??

Today Lynn and Dad called from the airport in Washington D.C. to say they were taking off back home to Israel, and that my very old childhood friend Lenny - well actually Gabi, his wife was in a terrible car crash. His wife is pregnant. Thankfully she and Jack, Lenny's father are okay. I felt utterly distracted after that. How elongated my attention span gets and then spots of it melt into words then feelings when I heard this terrible news. I wanted to do something but couldn't. I was on the phone with Jack for a vrief minute. He informed me that all is well. Hey, I'm in a library far away even from my own toilet bowl in Israel.

Sometimes I just feel I am in a bubble. But at least, this bubble is floating somewhere to somewhere...

p.s. I think I know what I am going to write about in my next short story.

Walking My Way (in the rain) to Ideas

Me, as an imminent cloud, I don't often get caught in the rain, but it was a sporadic and fleeting moment walking home from the Squirrel Hill library, where I managed to 'pour' two pages and I think I've finalized what I consider as the winning touch of the topic.


I hope it works.
wish me luck

Transcribing Experiences to Paper

The tip for the day is...Even if you have one day of a new experience with writing, try transcribing that experience unto paper. It will solidify your thinking, which is important for any kind of writing - be it fiction or not.


In many ways, I am creating my journey within a journey. How does one transcribe twelve years of teaching to fit a teacher's manual worth approximately 250 pages?

Sometimes I haven't the slightest idea when that blank computer screen watches me, but I'm sure that snubbing at twelve years worth of teaching experience is worth something - if anything at all in writing.

The challenge before me is how to exactly mold those rich experiences and put them into words? Or better yet, how to take that raw meaty moments of my reflections from years past and rocket them into words?

From one paragraph to another, I'm slowly crafting my journey. The key word here is: 'craft'.

And through it all, I'm amazed at how much I really do have to say. Sometimes it's not really what I wanted to say and I am pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Surprised even myself.

In light of this, I found useful the sheer technique of brainstorming (like I have done with my students years past) all that I know and all that I want to find out. It seems to prove itself a good tactic - since I know of none other right now.

But basically, it looks like I'll be using other kid tested ideas until I get my feet on solid water.

Anyhow, back to writing! Have a great writing day!

Getting into the Habit of Outlining

As an inspired and emerging writer, I am on the track to refining my information or intake from the many research articles pertinent to my writing project.

Often in the morning, I'll decide to change something in my writing schedule like focus on one aspect of an article and bring only one article instead of five articles to the library. while in fact I consider this progress, I am also amazed at how much mental preparation and struggle this ultimately involves.

I'll go over my highlighted information and realize there was a point that I didn't include in my writing plan.
It pays to have a writing plan that reflects a big amount of research effort. think of all the possibilities that you can write about. Brainstorm every idea. You can always chunk away later. This habitual routine should be the basis of your writing projects both big and small.

For every chapter synopsis, I'll also have my writing plan or outline which includes the sub chapter and their corresponding texts.

This way, you won't fall over every time you read a new article and find new information.

That's my learned tip for today! Now back to planning and writing!

A Super Empowering Moment

Now, back to my main question..I got carried away with emerging readers and emerging literacy and through the 'muck,' there was really one thing I was seriously interested in writing ... How do more dependent emerging readers become enabled readers. What is that BIG step they need to take and what does that BIG step include?

Well, that BIG step is exactly the step I'm talking about... only I haven't yet gotten there yet... until NOW.

I'm realizing that if I don't take this step now, I'll just be writing about something that has already been researched and written about, and that is NOT the purpose of this writing project.

Now I haven't done loads of writing and reading, but enough for me to come a bit out of the muck... JUST a bit.

I think my blog is helping me to coach myself with finding focus especially there is a plethora of information.

Anyhow, back to the chapter synopsis. Taking it one baby step at a time. Writing can be a super empowering process when one finally comes to terms about writing that which is really near and dear.

Now I can only hope I am doing the right thing! Wish me luck!

Staking my Claim

As a teacher on sabbatical, I am supposed to write an 'X' number of hours each day, preferably in silence - the goal being a finished book i can proudly call my own come the end of August 2008.

I have set this journey out on my own with no co-authorship except for the facilitation of my mentor who is supervising the project.
I have set a great dream and goal for myself in writing this book starting from this inner need to write and live up to challenge. Every day I set out sticking to my systematic plan of understanding the research and reread what I wrote previously in order to 'give birth' to another chapter or part of it. There is still much I must read.

And then there's the fear, the doubt that takes me in circles in my mind, starting with: Hey, I'm just a writer like everybody else, I'm only at the beginning, which then leads to: My writing's is________, (I fill out the blank at any given moment) and finally to inner self-inflicted reaction that is enough for me to wing through more fear and doubt.

I suppose I can 'celebrate' my small progress in piecing my research with writing, finding perhaps an 'edgier' angle of writing than what I am used to.

Spraining my ankle however has shown me that progress is one small, sometimes baby step. It can take a whole day to understand what is the different between emergent readers and emergent literacy and I'm slowly learning to accept this as part of the writing process.

Part of staking my claim is with this book. How many pages do I want to write a day, who do I want to send this book to.. the list goes on. How much money do I want to make from this writing project,

So, call me fearful, scared, unsure... I know where it's coming from and it's not catharsis time here. However, I need to know I can stake my claim, no matter what I need to do. So, every time I feel a doubt or fear settle in, it's time to set off that inner dialogue and figure out what's wrong. It's an important need for writers that not only generates creativity, but progress to the next step in staking my claim.