Staking my Claim

As a teacher on sabbatical, I am supposed to write an 'X' number of hours each day, preferably in silence - the goal being a finished book i can proudly call my own come the end of August 2008.

I have set this journey out on my own with no co-authorship except for the facilitation of my mentor who is supervising the project.
I have set a great dream and goal for myself in writing this book starting from this inner need to write and live up to challenge. Every day I set out sticking to my systematic plan of understanding the research and reread what I wrote previously in order to 'give birth' to another chapter or part of it. There is still much I must read.

And then there's the fear, the doubt that takes me in circles in my mind, starting with: Hey, I'm just a writer like everybody else, I'm only at the beginning, which then leads to: My writing's is________, (I fill out the blank at any given moment) and finally to inner self-inflicted reaction that is enough for me to wing through more fear and doubt.

I suppose I can 'celebrate' my small progress in piecing my research with writing, finding perhaps an 'edgier' angle of writing than what I am used to.

Spraining my ankle however has shown me that progress is one small, sometimes baby step. It can take a whole day to understand what is the different between emergent readers and emergent literacy and I'm slowly learning to accept this as part of the writing process.

Part of staking my claim is with this book. How many pages do I want to write a day, who do I want to send this book to.. the list goes on. How much money do I want to make from this writing project,

So, call me fearful, scared, unsure... I know where it's coming from and it's not catharsis time here. However, I need to know I can stake my claim, no matter what I need to do. So, every time I feel a doubt or fear settle in, it's time to set off that inner dialogue and figure out what's wrong. It's an important need for writers that not only generates creativity, but progress to the next step in staking my claim.